Saturday, August 2, 2014

August 1st starting over

How many times is too many to fail? Or to start over? How many times have I asked that SAME question on here before? And yet here I am yet again. I guess I should count it a victory because I AM here, rather than in a pint of ice cream, or wallowing in more pity gaining more pounds. But, alas, it's hard to see it that way.

This year was/is supposed to be about loving me. About finding me. About accepting me. About letting me be me. About getting all aspects of life. Here we are in August and I would say I have made some progress, but not enough.  SO, what am I going to do about it?'s my plan for the next few months...

Continue therapy, well find a new therapist, again. It seems every time I find a therapist and get somewhere, something changes, moves, they leave, something.  Well, no more excuses, gotta get back again. I was making progress again. For the sake of me, my husband, my marriage, my family, I NEED this.

TRACK, TRACK, TRACK my food. Am I perfect? NOPE, not even close. In fact most would say I don't even eat very healthy. But, I can't fix it all at once. So I am still focusing on staying UNDER my calories for right now, and will continue that until September 1st. Then On September 1st I will work on cleaning it up more. Does this mean I can eat an entire pan of brownies? NO! But, it does mean I may eat brownies.  Be kind to myself, is my motto on food right now, but track it even if I am not.

Continue drinking my water.

Wear my new, nifty body bugg. And MOVE. I physically CAN'T do much. but right now I'm not doing anything, so anything is an improvement. I recently was given some resistance bands. So I am excited to try those out. 

Blog more. I find writing things down, and being accountable helps, even not a single sole reads this, which I don't think they do. It's more a journal.

And finally, continue doing some research on weight loss surgery. I have done a lot of the pre-reqs on it and think I may end up going that route just because of how bad my health is (diabetes, fibromyalgia, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, migraines, IBS, knee pain/surgeries, etc) And I have 3 drs all pushing for it, and my insurance will cover it once I lose 10 more lbs, but I want to make 100% sure I am ready for that.

On the plus size I am down almost 20 lbs still since Jan, so I am taking that as a victory and I am accepting it as a positive. 

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Getting in the swing of things again

I had a rough weekend...I didn't stick to my calories and gained a couple pounds. But I buckled down, followed my calories, drank water like a fish, and even exercised.  And lost those.  I am feeling pretty good except for a migraine (that I've had for months), and knee pain that won't stop.

Any good exercises I can do when walking and moving hurt the knee like CRAZY?  Does anyone even still read this blog?  Anyway, want to blog more for accountability. 

T-minus 5 months (and minus 1 day) til my sisters wedding and having to fit the bridesmaids dress.  I took pictures in it to motivate me to lose.  Maybe one day Ill post those on here, but for now they are too unflattering to post. 

Til next time...counting calories and pushing on...

Saturday, January 11, 2014

It's Me Again

I disapeared for a while there - I got pregnant and didn't feel like documenting my weight while growing our child.  It was a SUPER hard pregnancy. - Including a feeding tube, PICC line, numerous hospitalizations, constant headaches, and 3 full months of strict bed rest to keep her growing. And I am proud to say she only came 5 weeks and 2 days early (my first was 10 weeks early)  She was a healthy 5 lbs 5 oz. And we named her Emilee and we sure love her. 

But all that being said - being that sick and strict bed rest took a toll on me physically, but more so emotionally and mentally.  Living on bed rest means not really taking the time to get dressed up much or doing your hair or makeup.  It means gaining a lot of weight. It means not playing with your toddler much.  My self esteem is at an all time low, which for me is saying something considering I have never had much to begin with. And my weight is at an all time high.  

Well, 2014 is MY year.  My year to lose this weight once and for all.  My year to get my health under control (taking this much medicine at 32 is RIDICULOUS). My year to get off insulin shots (I hope). My year to learn to like me - all of me, the good, the bad, the ugly. My year to accept myself flaws and all. My year to be an active mom, to be able to go on a bike ride as a family, and play and run around with my 3 year old. My year to TAKE BACK MY LIFE ONCE AND FOR ALL!  

I joined a dietbet (where you basically pay money and you have 4 weeks to lose 4% of your body weight in that time frame) In hopes of being accountable.  I have 5 months to lose enough weight to fit into a bridesmaids dress for my sisters wedding, right now their biggest size doesnt even fit.  :(
Anyway, to be accountable here too I am posting my starting weight picture and a full body picture for motivation.  

Thursday, September 13, 2012


I have been MIA on here because frankly I fell off the wagon and fell hard. I stopped caring and practically ate everything in site, or drank. I was back on regular pepsi (i won't admit how much) candy everyday, and just out of control. And Monday I started over, yet again. I was ashamed to step on that scale because I KNEW I had gained, and gained A LOT. I knew because my clothes were tight again, my shirts made me look/feel pregnant again, and I just felt more YUCK.

The scale Monday (the 10th) read 295.8. Sigh. That is almost a 20 lb gain in 2 months. Yeah, not good, or happy. I am pissed. I am ashamed. I am sad.

So, now I am back in gear. I am back at work and this weight is coming off. I had a wake up call the first of September. My husbands whole family went to Lake Powell, Utah on the water on a house boat. And let me tell you spending 5 days in a swim suit and trying to chase after an almost 2 year old who just wants to go head first into the water is exhausting when your a normal weight (i assume) but when you are this overweight, this tired, and this out of control on food it was down right miserable. I will not do that again.

So, again, no matter what it takes or how long I will get this weight off. I guess the goal is to keep getting back up each time I fall, but man its discouraging.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

7/11 weigh in

Today was weigh in day. I lost 2.2 lbs. YAY! I am back on track. I was very good this week...measured everything, and ate the right sizes and everything. So i am happy with 2.2 lbs. I am still up almost 7 lbs since my lowest, but i am heading in the right direction.

Hope everyone else is doing well. YOU can do this, and so can I!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

The accountability post

So I kind of dropped off the blogging band wagon for a number of reasons: I was ashamed that I couldn't get back on track. I was embarassed I'd gained weight back. I was mad I had to start over all over again. And mostly I just hated facing the facts. Well today is the starting over day.

My new weigh in day will be Wednesday (the monday weigh in was KILLING me). And everything I eat/drink will be written down even if i go way over pts.

Weight today is 282.8. So I gained about 6 lbs in the last little over a month. Not happy! :( but I guess it could have always been worse. So, here's to starting over, yet again.

I can use all the checking in anyone wants to offer.

Monday, May 14, 2012

5/14 weigh in

Today the scale is down 3 lbs. On monday I should hit my 50 lbs gone mark. 2 more lbs. It has taken much longer than i thought it would, but who cares? I am getting there.

I didn't fully go all week without sugar, but I did do 5 days without sugar, and that helped with the weight loss. So, we will see how this week goes with no sugar, or very little sugar.

hope everyone has a great week.