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Friday, January 22, 2010

Up and Down, Up and Down

My weight keeps going up and then down, then back up, then back down. I think my body is trying to adjust to "eating healthier/better/more often" but it is annoying none the less.

Right now my focus is still 9lbs per month for a year. I can do that.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Update

I am "almost" 2 weeks into being back on track, and things feel great! I have lost weight (no, i am not reporting it right now because I gained so much back over the holidays being off track and out of control) I am drinking water lots, and eating more fruits and vegetables than ever. my only "real" downfall right now is nighttime...you know, right before bed, when you are watching a movie with your hubby and are craving food...and not a carrot...real food...junk food...sweets...salts...whatever. At about 9 pm I always want a snack...always. I have been saving points to do just this...but eating that late is not good for me, i know it. Any ideas???

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Surgery

Well, I found out today I DID in fact tear my meniscus in my left knee (mind you this WAS the good knee) and have to have surgery on it. It's currently scheduled for Feb 15th, unless someone cancels, which I am hopeing for. The pain is incredible. Yes, I know that a lot of that is from my fibromyalgia and therefore I am more sensitive to pain...but still it hurts! So, no exercise for a couple months. Sigh. One day I'll get there. So, instead I need to focus on eating better, good, right. So far so good. Granted only day 3, but still its going well.

Funny story. I made the receptionist at my Dr's office curse today. They gave me a shot of steroids in my knee, to tide me over til surgery. Then the Dr walked me out to the desk to set up my presurgery appointment. Well, while standing there I suddenly felt all color and blood drain from my face. I felt sweaty and hot. I felt light headed like never before and my ears rang...i couldn't hear anything. I said to the dr and receptionist "I need to sit down NOW" the receptionist looked up and said "holy s***" and they each grabbed an arm and helped me sit down. I drank 3 glasses of water and ate a granola bar before i was feeling better. They all kept asking me if I was sure I was OK because I was SO pale. I was pale! And I didn't feel great still, but at least I didn't pass out. And I have a slightly funny story to tell.

So, here's to the rest of the week following my points!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Motivation

My biggest struggle with my weight is that it has caused an intense HATRED of myself. My body, and everything about me. I can't be good at something because I am fat. I can't be pretty because I am fat. I can't be because I fat. You get the idea.

I am married to an amazing man who puts up with my self hate, but he hates it. He loves me for who I am, fat rolls and all. He sees my eyes and my smile and my talents and attributes. When all I see is FAT!

I just read a wonderful book called Hungry, by Crystal Renn. It's a book about a girl who modeled and became severely anorexic. She was 5'9 and 95 lbs. She looked terrible! Well, after 2 years of that life she stopped. She gained weight and is a happy plus size model at a healthy size 12. ANYWAY...the point is she learned to love herself...all of her...her body, her weight, her hair, everything.

I admire that immensely! Because I can't seem to do that. There is a quote in her book I am going to use..."Don't change your body to fit your mind's perception of what it SHOULD look like. Change your mind to appreciate your ACTUAL body." Does this mean I should love being obese and unhealthy? OF COURSE NOT! I just need to accept that I will probably always have "bat arms" and "chunky thighs". But I have a strong body, and it was given to me by my Heavenly Father. So, I am taking one day at a time to appreciate myself...body and all!

1 year

Ok. So, I have decided to be practical, sensible. Rather than looking at my weight loss as "I have over 100 lbs to lose" I am going to look at it this way (thanks Amie) If i lose just 9lbs a month for 1 year I will be under 200 lbs for the first time since I was i don't know, a long, long time! That makes me excited. I won't be fully done then, but pretty close to where I think i will stay.

So, day one...almost down and feeling good!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Where I have been lately...

Well to be honest I got frustrated! I started feeling super exhausted. I gained weight even following weight watchers to the tee. (like 10 lbs in a month, gag!) When I finally hit rock bottom and went to the DR they informed me that my thyroid had crashed and burned. I started on thyroid medicine right away and am feeling a little better..hopefully that continues to improve.

Also, on Dec 23rd I stepped down my stairs in our apartment and heard a loud pop in my left knee (no, not the one I had surgery on, but the "good knee") It hurt horribly for a week, when I went to the DR he said it seemed like I tore/pulled/hurt my meniscus and sent me to my orthopedist. The ortho said it was VERY likely I tore the meniscus...and sent me for an mri, which I will get the results of on Wed. REALLY? Can't I catch a break!

Either way, no matter if i need ANOTHER surgery or not I am starting back up on loosing weight on Monday. I am doing 2 different contests to help. One with a blog I follow, biggest loser style and the other with my amazing, wonderfully supportive 2nd family. Which there will be prizes and money every 3 months...So lots of motivation! My mom has lost 41 lbs since August...I want to follow her lead this time! Gotta stay motivated and accountable