Monday, January 4, 2010


My biggest struggle with my weight is that it has caused an intense HATRED of myself. My body, and everything about me. I can't be good at something because I am fat. I can't be pretty because I am fat. I can't be because I fat. You get the idea.

I am married to an amazing man who puts up with my self hate, but he hates it. He loves me for who I am, fat rolls and all. He sees my eyes and my smile and my talents and attributes. When all I see is FAT!

I just read a wonderful book called Hungry, by Crystal Renn. It's a book about a girl who modeled and became severely anorexic. She was 5'9 and 95 lbs. She looked terrible! Well, after 2 years of that life she stopped. She gained weight and is a happy plus size model at a healthy size 12. ANYWAY...the point is she learned to love herself...all of her...her body, her weight, her hair, everything.

I admire that immensely! Because I can't seem to do that. There is a quote in her book I am going to use..."Don't change your body to fit your mind's perception of what it SHOULD look like. Change your mind to appreciate your ACTUAL body." Does this mean I should love being obese and unhealthy? OF COURSE NOT! I just need to accept that I will probably always have "bat arms" and "chunky thighs". But I have a strong body, and it was given to me by my Heavenly Father. So, I am taking one day at a time to appreciate myself...body and all!


Anonymous said...

I've always been a fan of fuller-figured models. There's a great site with many images of Crystal and other plus-size models here:

They're all gorgeous.

The site's forum also has thought-provoking discussions about body image and the media.

Daren said...

I love you babe, you are so beautiful. I hope you know I believe that and I love you very much. You are amazing, love you.

HeatherH said...

We just read "You Are Special" by Max Lucado. Such a simple message but it's clear: You are loved by a Father in Heaven. He loves YOU because he created you. There's no need to compare yourself to some ideal because there is no ideal. He loves you because you're you!