Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Gain

Yep, today I had my first gain...which I was 99% sure was coming, but it still sucks and depresses me a little (Ok, A lot). i gained 2 lbs this week.

But I am trying this new thing is a new day. Don't give up or focus on the negative, focus on the positive and change what was bad/negative this past week. Don't repeat my mistakes. SO, that being said, onward and upward to a loss next week.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

No title

I am preparing myself for my first gain on Thursday. Now all I have to do is fix it. Meaning not freak out about gaining and start fresh. But first I need to figure out how to get out of the frame of mind "i hurt and I am stressed and overwhelmed so I should eat junk" I am a VERY emotional eater, so lately (this week) its been out of control.

When I was a teenager I was severely bulimic (so much so I spent 2 weeks in an eating disorder hospital and months and months doing outpatient treatment 3 times) So in my mind when I binge (eat all this half a pack of cookies or 5 mini candy bars....GAG!) all I want to do is go throw up. I haven't done that, don't worry. But having it sit in my stomach feels awful. But there's not too many other options. I need distractions. What do my 2 readers do to distract themselves from eating crap?

Although, on a plus (which i need to REALLY REALLY work on) I went to Lane bryant yesterday night with my hubby and I fit into jeans 2 sizes smaller than what I was wearing...which is huge. Granted, in another pair I was only down 1 size, but it still felt nice. My mother-in-law even commented yesterday how huge my jeans are (I could fit a couple kids inside with me, I can take all my jeans off without unbuttoning them) so that was a nice compliment.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Help all I want is junk...

Lately all I have wanted to eat is junk...mainly sweets. I want to eat a WHOLE PACK of cookies. I know I am not "hungry" for this food, but I think emotionally my body thinks I am. Is that possible?

I have had a BAD BAD flareup of my fibromyalgia and I am not taking my medicine because we can't afford it with no job and no insurance so this flare up is about killing me in pain. So when I hurt I get grumpy and want to eat sugar. My darling hubby has put up with me SOOO well. But man I am a grump when I hurt. And eating a bunch of crap doesn't help me feel better.

To try to fix this tonight I bought some healthier snacks...almonds, apples, carrots, weight watchers ice cream bars. I hope I can kick this sugar fiend in the but. Any good tips?

Thursday, October 20, 2011

weigh in

I am down another 2.6 lbs, which officially puts me 20 lbs lost since Sept. 5th. When I did my weigh in the first time with myfitness pal I was about 3 lbs heavier than when I actually started. SO, today is when I count hitting the 20 lb mark.

I need to come up with good holiday strategies for not gaining. Any tips??

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Weigh in

Thursday was weigh in day...down 3.8 lbs. Its so hard to just be happy and not think "but I did this and this wrong. Or i didn't do this and this" Does that even make sense? I guess Im scared its going to stop. That suddenly Ill just stop losing. I think mostly I am just overwhelmed and stressed.

My hubby has been out of work since August. No luck finding another job yet still. Hes discouraged and frustrated and so am I. I can't go back to work til at least December, so we sit struggling. Living with his parents in 1 bedroom of their house. And honestly in the past I would have just ATE my way through the stress and pain and frustration. But I havent, well not as much. I have lately eaten WAY TOO MUCH SUGAR, but my blood sugars are still good. And I am still loosing weight. So, for right this second I am saying its ok. That attitude may bite me in the butt later, but right now that's how I feel.

Friday, October 7, 2011

another weigh in and checking in

Yesterday was weigh in day...I lost another 4.6 lbs, so Im down a total of 13.6 lbs since starting on September 5th. My jeans are a lot I know Ive lost. I just keep second guessing myself thinking one day it'll stop. I know that's super negative, but I can't seem to shake that thought. Suggestions?

The last couple days I have been craving salty AND sweet things. I have NOT eaten very well (ie: ice cream, chips, etc) however, I have stayed within my pts allowance we will see what the scale shows next week. I know I feel more blah when I eat I am trying to curb that.

Do any of you (my whole 2-3 readers) do anything to "celebrate" your small 5, 20, etc lbs? Its SO VERY hard for me to accept a compliment and to celebrate the victory...My darling husband has been so supportive and tells me daily I am beautiful, he loves me, he can tell Ive lost weight, he's proud of me, etc. But usually my response is "whatever" or "no Im not" and I am not sure how to switch that negative self talk...but I know if I don't the weight won't stay off.

I read on someone else's blog (tiffany, I think) that they thought their weight gain was their "blanket" and I am 110% sure I am the same way. I was abused in every way imaginable when I was I think I thought "if im bigger they won't want to hurt me, if I am bigger/stronger they can't hurt me" and therefore I put on over 150 lbs of "protection" so now its getting rid of that to have a healthy life. But how do you actually change the self talk? I doubt there is an easy answer, I just love advice and knowing what worked for others. Hope everyone has a great weekend!