Friday, January 20, 2012

Why is it so hard?

Sometimes I just wish things were easy. I know, I know... I wouldn't learn, grow, be me, etc. I know this. But still can't something just be easy. I mean it's easy to gain weight (as evidenced by my almost 5 lb weight gain over the 4 days I was stranded in Wendover with only restaurant food to eat) Yeah...that's like 1 full lb a day! Why? It takes me 2-3 weeks to LOSE that SAME AMOUNT! GRRRRR! Sometimes I just get so frustrated.

I look around and see the success stories, but I also look around and see SO many that aren't...and I don't mean those who gained back 10 lbs or those who gained a little back but are losing it again. I mean the people who lost 50-100 lbs and gained it all back and are just content to have gained it back. Or people like my mom who have had not 1 but 2 gastric bypass type surgeries and is still overweight, maybe even obese according to BMI. or the people from the biggest loser who have gained it all back, or most of it. I know a lot don't...but sometimes its just hard.

I know I am just in a funk. I am not 100% sure why. I guess because I held onto this hope that as I lost weight my health would improve overnight (easy). But it hasn't(hard) I still have diabetes and still take pills and insulin. I still hurt daily from fibromyalgia and have a hard time doing things that most people find normal (showering, dressing, cleaning, cooking, playing with my daughter) I feel SO much guilt and self hate that I can't magically and easily fix this. I am in a funk of "what's the point" and I know the answers, I really do. But for today its hard and for today I am acknowledging it is hard. But that's all...I am back on the wagon. I am moving forward and even if it takes me 2-3 weeks to lose that almost 5 lbs I WILL LOSE IT and more. I know I can do it, but somehow writing how I "feel" helps.

hope everyone else is doing better.


REBYRYAN said...

For me, eating off kilter PUTS me in a funk. Once you get back on track with your eating, it should get better. And I'd be willing to bet that 5 pounds will come off faster than you think. At least some of that is probably just water weight gain from having to eat out so much. BUT, it definitely SUCKS that the weight does come back so fast and easy but takes so much dang hard work to get off! So not fair!!

What do we do? We swiiIIiiiIIm!! :)