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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Sometimes I honestly wonder why I try?

Yeah, the blog title about sums up my feelings right now. So, you know that blissful vacation I went on? You know my plan where I "thought" i could go and watch my eating without tracking.? Where I "thought" I'd be fine and only gain 1-2 lbs? Yeah! Didn't happen. I gained a lot. Like as much as it took me over a month to lose. I am still not sure how I gained THAT much. Well, kind of I do. I ate out...A LOT, like every single meal. I also fell back into drinking soda and we weren't super active. I blame some of the gain on flying but only some. SO to be accountable here's what I gained...I gained 19 lbs. YES, you read that right in 7 days I gained almost as much as my 18 month old weighs.

It has thrown me for a loop. I have since lost that entire amount and am now back to where I was when I left for Ohio on March 6Th. But you know what? I can't get back on track. Everyday I have good intentions but something happens. I am in this FUNK that I can't seem to claw out of. That's why I have avoided writing on here. I am ashamed. I am embarrassed. I am mad.

I'm not sure what to do or how to get back on track. After Ohio came my birthday, then shoulder surgery, which has me in a sling for 3 more weeks still. So I think that's part of the funk too. But honestly I am trying to get out of this...just don't know how. And I know my mini goal of losing 50 lbs is next week and it makes me SO mad I am going to miss it. I should be happy I have lost 43 lbs and kept it off but I am not. I am mad. I hate myself right now. Its not a happy place. SO please any encouraging words would help right now.

hope everyone else is fairing better. Much love,
H

ps enjoy a couple pictures


This was our christmas picture...it was taken in November (so I had already lost a little)

Family picture taken in Ohio 3/10/12 (notice that nice bruise...yeah don't run into walls)

the whole family 3/10

6 comments:

Tiffany said...

I'm so sorry you are in a funk right now. I know how frustrating weight loss can be. But just look how well you are really doing. Don't let your mind's double talk take that away from you. You have lost 43 lbs!! You talked about how much 19 lbs was compared to your baby, well how much is 43! You've lost that and kept it off. You can do this. You will do this. You are strong and you know what you need to do. I hope you feel better soon. I know sometimes it is very difficult to get out of a funk. Try making a list of all the things that will be easier to do once you lose all your weight. That helps me.

Tiffany Campiotti said...

Focus on the little things. Try not to look at the whole big picture or it gets too overwhelming. You are working on it. You should not expect perfection! For me it's taken a lot of reading, researching, testing till I've found a place where I understand what works for me. Take your trip when you had massive gains and LEARN from the experience so you don't repeat it. Just keep moving, even if it feels like your inching along, at least you're inching. Go to the store and see if you can pick up a 40 lb bag of dog food. This is what you've lost so far. Be proud and keep going!

:: ashley :: said...

Things happen, just get back on the wagon- I think you will be surprised how quick that 19 pounds will come off- when you are coming back from unhealthy eating your body will drop weight quick, do you want to start walking together?

Princess Dieter said...

What you're experiencing...it's not new, it's scientific. It happens to all of us. When we get out of our good habits, and we just push that envelope, eat hyperpalatable foods, our old overeating neural pathways are strengthened and our new habits are weakened. Hence, returning to good habits is HARD AS HECK again. Sigh. Yeah, yeah.

So, know it takes reacclimation. Know you did it once and you CAN do it again. Know we've all been there and kow it's hard.

Cut out every single trigger food and eat as simply as possible for 4 to 7 days. Really simple whole foods, nothing fast food, nothing processed (or at least minimally processed) with tons of fluid. Slowly, the brain will calm down.

Just stay the heck away from any restaurant. For real. They rejigger food to be hyperpalatable, which keeps the brain center wanting to overeat, overeat, overeat.

You'll be fine. Water, veggies, simply cooked proteins, fruit nuts...and rest. GOod sleep. Some exercise. It will work out.

Set a bit later date for losing the 50 pounds: a new goal marker date. You'll make it.

REBYRYAN said...

Getting back on here and being accountable despite your setback is HUGE! You should be proud of that. You should also be proud that even though you gained the weight, you were able to get it back OFF!

It is SOOOO easy to focus on the negatives and shortcomings. YOU HAVE LOST 43 POUNDS!! That is AWESOME!! And even having the desire to get back on track is movement in the right direction. Now you just gotta keep moving in that direction!

You got this!! :)

Daren said...

My beautiful wife. I am so proud of you. I don't say that often enough, but It's very true. You are so amazing that you have been able to loose 43 lbs. I want you to know how much I love you, always will no matter what.